The Ape Convoy

It was unreal. I’d constantly pinch my thigh to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

My thighs — he loves my thighs. I’ve always found my thighs the ugliest, after my nose. Such a narrow (relatively) waistline, that goes down to form the broadest hip bones and even fatter thighs — oozing with cellulite. Disgusting.

But he doesn’t think so. He thinks I’m beautiful. He tells me often. I see it in his eyes when he stares, I feel it in his touch when his bare hands hold the small of my back, and I hear it in his voice when he sings for me.

And there he was, sitting inches away from me, teasing my lips with his. My dream guy. The one I’d waited all my life for. The love I never thought I’d get to experience. The love, that at one point, I was convinced did not exist.

It’s funny how all it takes is one person to completely throw you off balance and make a perfectly sane life seem absolutely crazy; or maybe, in my case, a perfectly crazy life, absolutely sane.

My fingers fit so easily between his.

Lying in bed, entangled, we were like two adjacent pieces in a puzzle. His smell, all over me, and mine, all over him; his warmth filing up my insides, spread throughout — and my soul smiled.

We were approaching the end of our magical weekend, his city calling him back, demanding of us both, the journey of a cruel distance. I’d have to wait a whole month to see him again — to taste his smoky lips, to feel his warm breath, all over — to run my fingers through his dreamy hair.

“I want you to try on my shirts, choose the one you like most and keep it.”
“I’d like that. I want to remember your smell. I need to. I don’t ever want to forget.”

So I tried them on, all three — and I chose.

A military green t-shirt, that smelled just like him: smoky, faintly musky, and laced with a soft sweetness that I associated with his bare chest and soft earlobes. It draped perfectly on me, hanging lightly off my shoulders — as if he was there, running his palms along them and around my waist, as if he was there, slowly tracing my curves with his fingertips. The print on the front had an ape holding up a gun, and below that it read, The Ape Convoy.

We were kissing, passionately, lying down, and hands all over each other — oblivious to the world. I pulled back and giggled. He grinned and we laughed, for perhaps a minute, but one that seemed to outdo itself — and then we were back at it, or so we hoped – for I did it again!

We’re laughing now, heartily, heads thrown back.

“You have to stop baby! Because I can’t, unless you do”, I beg.

But he won’t listen. He can’t help it, and neither can I. Smoking up wasn’t the best idea after all.

His deep laughter, accompanied with my high pitched, quirky, gasping for breath kind, formed the most beautiful melody that still lingers on in my head. A melody that wouldn’t stop, till our sides began to hurt and our sanity came into question.

He tightly gripped my waist, kissed my smiling lips and whispered on them, “I love you”

And in that moment, I swear, we were infinite.

Let you go

Its not easy to end this; its not easy to let you go,
But it is high time we realised that we both need to grow.
Along with us, an enormous part of me dies too,
A part that only you nurtured, a part that only you knew.
You shaped and moulded me and made me stronger every day,
And gave me the security that you would always stay
by my side, through it all, no matter what or who,
And despite what I threw your way, it was a promise you lived up to.
And thats why I love you, because how can I not?
For all the things you’ve done for me and all the times we’ve fought,
For all the long hours that we’ve spent on the phone,
For all the long drives, just you and me alone,
For all the gentle kisses and all the hugs so tight,
For all the deep discussions, telling the wrong from right,
For all the times you listened to me sing without complaining,
For all the movies I didn’t understand, and you didn’t get tired of explaining,
For all the experimenting and trying things we never thought we might,
For all the times we burst out laughing in the middle of a fight,
For all the times I shouted in public at you and you didn’t care,
For all the times that you didn’t shout but let me off with a glare,
For all the times you had to convince me that I was not terminally ill,
For all the times you didn’t have a choice but to take me to the hospital,
For all the times you never let me down when I put your love to test,
For all the times you told me it was okay sometimes to not be the best,
But most of all for just loving me and accepting me with open arms,
And in that special embrace you shielded me from all harm.
I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone like you after we part,
But I do know that you will always hold a special place in my heart.
And I know its not easy to end this; its not easy to let you go
But it is high time we realised that we both need to grow.